Chapter thirty two.
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“How’s Grace this morning?” I ask as Harry jogs loudly down the wooden stairs, jumping off the last couple of steps before making his way over to me.
“She seems a lot better actually, still not one hundred percent though” He shrugs bending down to place a gentle kiss on my lips.
“Harry” I whine giving him a light shove away from me.
“What’s the matter love?” He asks tilting his head on the side, when he does this he looks like a little child.
“This just isn’t right, I can’t keep doing this to Grace” I say running a hand through my already mess bed hair.
I slept alone last night and by slept I mean I got around three hours sleep spaced out over a seven hour period.
“I know, I know. Just give me a little more time yeah? I promise I won’t take as long as I originally said. This is such a big decision it’s like I do love Grace, I really do but with you it’s so fucking different. I’m not sure if its love but it’s big really big. I don’t want to hurt anyone but that’s impossible right now baby, please just don’t give up on me just yet” Harry say taking a seat on the sofa beside me.
Honestly I’m not sure how I feel about him either, he’s right there’s something there and it’s a pretty big something.
“I know, I just don’t think I can keep this up for much longer Harry” I mutter my voice almost inaudible.
“Ok baby, I know” He whispers pulling me into his arms so my back slumps against his chest and his arms wrap around my waist holding me there comfortably.
“We’ll figure it out” He says after a moment or so before pressing a kiss to my hair and nuzzling his face into it.
We sit comfortably like this for quite some time, neither of us saying anything but the lack of conversation doesn’t seem to matter.
Harry’s phone rings breaking our comfort.
“Its dad” He mutters quietly before reaching for his phone.
“Hi Dad…Yeah…Umm of course I hadn’t forgotten…Sure…I’m sure she would love to…Yeah…Ok…I’ll pop in and see you at some point today if that’s ok?…Yeah…Alright then…Bye dad give mum my love” Harry then ends the call and sets his phone back on the table.
“It’s the family dinner tonight, y’know in celebration of the company changes and stuff. I’d completely forgotten actually but no one has to know that” Harry chuckles.
“Is Grace going to be able to make it?” I ask concerned considering how ill she was yesterday.
“I’m not sure actually, I hadn’t even thought about that. I’ll tell her before we leave for work and she can see how she feels later on I guess” Harry shrugs as he enterwines our fingers pulling me closer to his chest.
“Ok, speaking of work we need to get ready. We’re leaving in just under an hour” I smile looking up to meet his green eyes, in the morning they’re always a little less bright and wide but still extremely fascinating and as exquisite as ever.
“Yeah…Oh Dad wanted me to ask you if you’d like to come. Y’know because you’re sort of part of the family now, maybe in more of a way than he actually realises right now” Harry says referring to the fact that no one knows what kind of a relationship Harry and I actually have.
“Yeah I’d love to, meeting your family would be nice” I say as I watch Harry trace his thumb over our joined hands.
“Will Gemma be there?” I ask, Gemma is Harry’s sister. She lives in Ireland with her husband and children but Harry’s mentioned her quite a lot recently, Gemma’s thirty one years old and hasn’t seen that much of the family since her and her husband moved to Ireland last summer.
“Umm I don’t know dad didn’t mention it but I’d suppose she would, its family thing like some more distant family will be there so I’d figure my sister will be” Harry shrugs.
“It’d be nice to meet her and your niece and nephew” I smile.
“Yeah they’d love to meet you, my whole family will” He smiles kissing my shoulder.
“It’s a shame I can’t introduce you as my girlfriend, if we make this work people are going to find it odd and probably disprove” Harry sighs.
“I know… If we did I suppose we’d just have to deal with it and hope it was all worth it” I reply my tone a lot less enthusiastic than it had being a few moments before.
“I’m sure it would be more than worth it” Harry says giving my head another kiss.
“If you’re so sure why do you need so much time?” I ask cautiously knowing I’m probably about to start and argument or at least annoy Harry.
“Because breaking up with someone is a big deal Al, I can’t just jump into things, I need time. Hopefully not too much time” He replies his voice a kind and calm tone, something I’d not expected it to be.
“Right, I know” I mutter obviously not in the best mood but I’m not going to push it because Harry’s kept surprisingly calm.
“I need to get ready” I say carefully unlacing our fingers and climbing out of his hold.
“Me too” Harry smiles standing to my feet and pushing me lightly in the direction of the stairs.
“I’ll see you soon beautiful” Harry murmurs his lips brushing mine lightly before he disappears into the bathroom.
I head into my own bedroom and begin the tiring process of getting ready.
I pull my hair into a loose pony tail that’s a little messed up at the roots giving me a nice textured look that doesn’t look like too much effort but looks like I still care about my appearance.
I apply my usual everyday make up and then get dressed into my typical work outfit of a pencil skirt, three quarter sleeve white shirt tucked into the skirt and a blazer over the top.
I pick up my handbag and slip on my simple black heels before spraying my perfume and exiting my bedroom.
The showers still running meaning I have a little time to check on Grace before we leave.
I carefully make my way up to Harry and Grace’s bedroom lightly tapping on the wooden door before entering.
“Gracie? Are you ok?” I ask my voice low and quite so as not to bother her.
“Sissy?” She mumbles quietly as she pulls herself up so she’s sat propped against pillows.
“How are you feeling?” I ask as I sit carefully on the mattress reaching over to move the short hairs that have fallen out of her bobble.
“Quite a bit better actually” She smiles.
“Yeah it was probably one of those twenty four hour bug things” I say as I watch Grace run her hands over her face.
“Yeah you’re right” She nods.
“Its Harry’s family meal thing tonight, to celebrate the business changes and stuff” I tell her.
“Oh yeah I’d completely forgotten” She groans.
“So had Harry” I laugh lightly.
“Now why doesn’t that surprise me?” Grace giggles instantly seeming much more like herself.
“Do you think you’ll be able to make it?” I ask watching her expression fall once again as I speak.
“Oh I don’t know, I’ll have to wait and see how I feel I suppose” She says reaching to sip the glass of water on her bedside table.
“You up babe?” Harry voice calls out as he opens the bedroom door.
“Oh so you are and Alisa’s here” He laughs lightly as we glace over at him.
He’s stood with a towel slung loosely around his waist leaving a little to the imagination, well not for me or Grace considering we’ve both seen what that towel covers before.
See that’s what’s so wrong about this, I’ve slept with the same guy as my sister.
“How are you feeling?” Harry asks walking across the bedroom and opening his wardrobe to get this outfit for the day.
“Better, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make tonight though” Grace tells him.
“Oh Alisa told you then?” Harry says turning around to offer her a small smile as he shakes his slightly damp hair allowing the water to drip on to his chest and travel down running over all the indents.
I draw my eyes away hoping neither of them noticed just how much attention I was paying to Harry’s body. I don’t want Grace to notice for obvious reasons and if Harry saw he’d surely just poke fun at me.
“No I’d remembered silly” Grace laughs winking at me to keep it a secret.
This secret is nothing in comparison to the one Harry and I are keeping from her.
God I’m an awful person.
An awful person who can’t seem to think straight without Harry, who only feels truly alive in his presence.
Is it so awful to want to feel alive?
I’d like to think not, I’d like to think we all make choices for the benefit of ourselves once in a while.
Maybe Harry’s for my benefit, maybe choosing him won’t make me a bad person.
I want him, I want to call him mine, I want to kiss him, I want to wake up in his arms, I want to feel his skin against mine at every possible moment, I want to be his, I want to have lazy mornings, I want to fight with him, I want to sing and dance with him, I want to get hopelessly drunk with him, I want to go on an adventure with him, I want to love him, I want to be loved.
I just want to be alive.
I worry that I’m not enough for you.
You’ve seen so much,
You’ve lived so much.
I’m nothing special,
I don’t tend to run wild.
I’m pretty sure I don’t inspire.
You’re more than enough for me,
I could live off you endlessly.
Maybe we could be ok?
Perhaps we’ll run away some day.
You could show me how to live,
You could fill my life with fire.
Maybe then I’ll be what you desire.
Authors note —- thank you all so much for reading, love you loads.
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Thanks again, love Molly xxx