Anonymous: I want her with Harry, not Louis. No question about it but I don't want her stringing Harry along.

100% see where you’re coming from and like you don’t really have to worry too much. Stuff gonna change soon like BIG then things are going to get really happy and about ending things in a nice, neat and slow way. unlike if you’ve read it my other fanfic forced to become Mrs Styles which was a quick open ending. 

I like both types of ending but a neat closed ending fits this story much better in like say no more than five chapters time the slow (very slow) ending will begin until I reach somewhere between 90-100 chapters 

love x

Always Alone - Chapter Seventy Two

Chapter seventy two.

(an – please like and reblog)

“You ready babe?” Louis asks squeezing my hand as he turns the engine off.

It’s Christmas day, I was awoken bright and early this morning by Louis kissing my neck. The whole of Louis’ family gathered downstairs and opened presents together before having pancakes for breakfast.

Louis bought me a beautiful Vivien Westwood necklace which I’m currently wearing. He also got me a few other little bits and pieces with I’m very thankful.

Luckily Louis loved the vintage records I’d bought him after checking every single one he owned when he was in the shower one time to make sure I hadn’t bought him any he already had.

I also got him the twin peaks box set because he often mentions it being a favourite of his, I personally haven’t watched it but from Louis’ description I think I’ll rather enjoy watching it with him.

Christmas dinner was lovely, I insisted on helping Johanna cook. For a while Louis tried to help too but seeing as he couldn’t even peel the potatoes properly we sent him away.

Now we’re parked outside the hospital, I feel this awful fear. Like what if I’ve made a mistake? Perhaps I should have come here.

“Lis?” Louis asks again squeezing my hand a little harder.

“Um I think so, I don’t know. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea” I ramble running a hand through my hair.

“I think you’ve made the right choice coming here. It’s important to you. It’s Christmas and Ivy is family” Louis encourages.

“I guess you’re right” I shrug.

“I’m always right” Louis smirks before pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“Now I’m going to sit here and wait. You go on it, take as long as you like. there’s no rush” He says tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

“Ok, ok I’m going” I smile unbuckling my seatbelt.

Once I’ve closed the car door behind me it seems a little easier, the door isn’t that many steps away.

The ground is coated in a thin layer of ice making my heeled boots a not so wise choice. Of course there’s no snow coating the ground that’d be too stereotypical. I don’t think I’ve ever had a white Christmas so to speak. Well not that I can remember anyways.

I enter the hospital in a seemingly quick manner and make my way over to the reception desk.

The girl sat at the desk doesn’t look too happy, but I guess if you’re lumbered with a Christmas day shift you’re hardly going to be full of Christmas spirit and fun.

“Hi can I help” She smiles perking up a little when she notices me.

“Yes, I’m here to visit my niece, Ivy Styles” I smile back

She nods before typing into her computer, presumably checking which ward and room Ivy’s in.

“Your niece is in ward 6, room 13” She smiles.

“Thank you. Oh and Merry Christmas” I smile as I wave goodbye.

“You too” She smiles.

I get into a lift before exiting again at ward 6, which is on the third floor.

The ward is decorated in tinsel and other Christmas decorations with children’s drawings on the walls too.  This must have being what Harry meant when he mentioned the hospital staff getting into the Christmas spirt.

I walk along the corridor hearing nothing other than the tapping of my heels on the floor. The typical hospital smell has filled my nose and reminds me of every A&E trip I made as a child, and now a much fresher memory comes to mind. A much more haunting memory.

Finding out my sister was dead.

I turn a corner and notice some familiar faces, Anne and Alan.

“Alisa darling how lovely and somewhat unexpected to see you” Alan smiles standing to his feet and engulfing me in hug.

“Hi” I mumble as he steps back a little.

“Are you visiting your parents?” Anne asks.

“Oh no they still aren’t speaking to me, not even at Christmas. I’m here with a friend of mine we’re staying with his family” I explain.

“Boyfriend?” Anne asks raising an eyebrow.

“Umm something like that” I laugh uncomfortably.

“Gemma’s in there now with Harry, I’ll get her to leave and give you and Harry some time alone” Anne smiles squeezing my shoulder before going inside room 13.

“Everything seems to be working well in New York, are you enjoying it?” Alan asks.

“Yes very much so, I can’t thank you enough for giving me this great opportunity” I smile.

“I’m glad you’re happy, I wish I could say the same for my son” Alan sighs giving me a weak smile.

Before I have the chance to reply, not that I know what to say, Gemma and Anne come out of the room.

“We’ll chat in a bit yeah? I don’t want to hold you up” Gemma smiles happily before pulling me into a hug.

“He doesn’t know you’re here. Please don’t let either of you get hurt, only do what feels right” Gemma says quietly into my ear before pulling away.

I take a deep breath before opening the door.

The room isn’t like the other hospital rooms I’ve seen Ivy in, the walls are painted in bright colours and covered in children’s handprints and cute things like suns, animals, stars, people and flowers.

There’s a Christmas tree in the corner with decorations and fairy lights on.

“Alisa?” Harry gasps his voice shaky.

“Hi” I wave pathetically unsure of what else to do.

“Wow. I can’t believe you’re here” He says his voice a little more controlled.

“Neither can I” I laugh taking a few measly steps towards him.

“Your hair! You look sooo different, I like it though. I really like it” He grins as he looks me up and down slowly.

The feeling I get when I know he’s looking at me is a feeling I still cannot put into words.

“Thank you, I fancied a change I guess” I smile taking another few tiny steps towards him.

“Well I think you look incredible” He smiles.

“You look good too, gosh your hairs getting so long” I smirk.

“Oh I know I put it up in a bun sometimes” He grins seeming proud of himself.

“No way” I laugh. And when I say laugh I mean that horrible loud and unattractive laugh that only occurs when something’s really funny, the kind that makes your sides hurt and leaves you out of breath.

“Shut up” He says pouting before turning his attention to his daughter.

I take the few remaining steps towards them before also looking at Ivy.

She looks quite a bit bigger, of course she’s still tiny. There’s a light coating of thin blonde hairs on the top of her little head. Just like Gracie.

“She amazes me y’know, she’s so tiny yet so strong. Like every day she seems a little bit different, I notice something else. I fall in love with her a little more. Not that I’d think that’s even possible to love her more than I do now” Harry says softly.

“I can imagine” I sigh.

Harrys hand moves to gently wrap around my waist as he stands beside me.

I flitch a little under his hand.

“Sorry um I dunno it just seemed natural” Harry says worriedly pulling his hand away.

“No. its fine” I reply with a tiny smile taking his hand and placing it back on my hip.

We watch Ivy in silence for quite a while, somewhere during that time my body leans against his and my head rests on his chest.

The comfort I feel around Harry is different, it’s like its natural. Fitting.

“Why are you here then? Are you here for Christmas or for good?” Harry asks. Saying the things I’d hoped and prayed we’d avoid although I knew it was unlikely.

Of course he’ll want to know if I’m sticking around, if I’m with Louis and how I feel about him.

Fuck fuckity fuck.

“Um for Christmas” I sigh making sure not to move away from Harry.

“I thought as much. With him? Or with your family?” He asks.

“With Louis” I reply quietly hoping perhaps he won’t hear.

Of course he hears.

“Again just as I’d thought” Harry says his voice a little cold. But judging by the fact his hold on me has tightened he still wants me around.

“Sorry” I say gently as I wrap my arm around him turning our closeness into some form of embrace.

“Its ok” Harry replies dryly.

“It isn’t” I say back in a slightly kinder tone.

“Well no but its fair” Harry replies his hands running up and down my back.

This feeling reminds me of the times we’d spend in bed together, after having sex when we’d cuddle and simply lie side by side. Harry would run his fingers gently up and down my back tracing shapes, sometimes he’d write messages and I’d have to figure out what he wrote. Often it was ‘ I love you’ or the classic ‘you smell’ but sometimes it was something a little more personal.

I miss that.

“Fair?” I question utterly unsure of what he meant.

“Yeah. I fucked you about and now you’re doing the same. I kept seeing Grace and making you wait for a decision and well that’s what you’re doing” Harry explains.

“Oh, I’d never thought of it like that” I reply honestly.

“It’s ok though. I know soon you’ll know what you want and then it’ll be the end of this one way or another” Harry says in surprisingly happy tone.

“Right. So it doesn’t bother you that I’m going back to New York with Louis in a few days?” I ask hoping not to start an argument of some sort.

“No. well yeah of course it does, but I understand. We’ll have our time when you’ve made your mind up. Well if you choose me that is” Harry says raising one hand to run through my hair.

“But I don’t wanna think about that now. I just want to be here with you, for this small amount of time” Harry says softly as he cups my cheek so I’m looking him right in the eye. Even if I wanted to look away I don’t think I could. His eyes just seem to hold me, draw me in.

“Just me and you” Harry whispers as his lips draw closer to mine.

They touch me lightly in the most teasing of ways, it’s like a form of torture. A very pleasant form of torture.

The pressure alters as Harry draws me closer, I doubt it’s possible I could be pressed any closer to him than I am right now.

Whenever Harry and I kiss it becomes so much better than I’ve remembered, there’s something so intoxicating about the way our kisses feel, the things they do to my head.

The way everything else blurs out because this is all that matters. Harry. Harry and me.

Being here right now, nothing else seems important, nothing else bothers me.

There’s no worries and no doubts.

Well not until we draw apart, then comes the floods of guilt for Louis, for Harry, for my sister, for Ivy, for everyone that’s somehow involved in the game Harry and I seem to be forced into playing. We play with each other’s feelings as well as everyone around us.

I even feel guilty for myself.

As self-obsessed as that sounds, I do. I feel like I’m causing myself more pain, more stress and more heartbreak. Which is true, I am.

Harry doesn’t really give me much chance to over think, that’s something I like about being with him.

Even though we’ve stopped kissing the guilt goes away just as quickly as it arrived when Harry holds me close and rests his head on top of mine.

Once again nothing else seems to matter. I haven’t got a single thought that isn’t Harry and that’s all the thought process is.

It’s nothing deep just Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry and so on.

I look up to meet Harry in the eye and run a hand through his hair which closer up seems even longer than I’d initially thought.

“Y’know I think your hair might be a little bit longer than mine” I laugh gently as I twirl a section around my finger.

“Yeah I think it might be” He laughs playing with my hair as if he’s mimicking my actions.

“It suits you though, I like it” I smile kissing his cheek tenderly.

“I like you” He says sticking his tongue out at me.

And instantly guilt over takes my thoughts once again.

Feelings. They’re just impossible aren’t they? Totally overrated.

“Al?” Harry says trying to tempt me out of my sudden silence.

Al, I always liked that name. Only Harry uses it, most people call me Alisa. Louis calls me Lis.

But Harry calls me Al.

Harry’s poem.

You’re here,

You’re in my arms.

And let me tell you it’s right where you belong.

Kissing you comes naturally.

It’s like nothing else.

Seeing you is mind-numbing.

Just stay,

Hold me,

Kiss me.

Eventually maybe you’ll tell me you love me.

(M.M)

An - 

Thanks for reading, I love and appreciate every single one of you. 

Just to clear stuff up a bit, I’d initially thought since quitting college and gaining a considerable amount of free time I’d be updating more but even though I made the choice to quit to become happier right now I don’t feel happy I feel a bit like a failure and that I’m just wasting time doing nothing all day. I’m doing a few extra shifts at work and even more so when it gets closer to Christmas but at the moment I have give or take five free days a week with nothing much to do and its becoming difficult to keep positive with so little to do, 

Anyone have any advice or ideas of what I can do in my free time besides updating more. I haven’t updated more because this current mood I’m in is just sooo uninspiring. 

Anyways I hope you liked the chapter and got your much needed Harry and Alisa fix! 

previous chapters   -  completed fic  -  imagines   -  ask  -  wattpad

personal tumblr leavedarling  -  twitter @leavedarling -  insta molly180x

love molly xxx

patrice-sanford: Sorry. I'm panicking. Is Always alone a sequal to forced to become Mrs styles

No it’s a completely separate story xx

Anonymous: So about 20 more chapters?

Give or take xx

Anonymous: I just can't make myself like the relationship between her and Louis. :( She even basically said she didn't feel the same for him as she feels for Harry. Why can't she just go back to him? So what if it upsets her family! They're all twits anyway.

Using the word twits made me laugh my mum says that! Haha. Guessing you’re English unless other people say that too?
In the end I feel like everyone ( hopefully if not most people) will understand why I’ve written the plot like this and that it’s made it better xx

Anonymous: I feel like she won't go see him now. :( Ever thought of doing a double update or two REALLY close together? ;)

If I had the time to do that I would I promise x

Always Alone - Chapter Seventy One.

Chapter seventy one.

(an – please like and reblog)

“Thank you so much baby!” Louis grins widely as he leans forward and kisses my lips.

“You’re welcome. Happy Birthday” I smile as we pull apart.

The wrapping paper strewn across the crumbled bed sheets of Louis’ childhood bedroom. Johannah Louis’ mum had never really changed his bedroom, not since the day he left almost ten years ago. It’s strange to think you can love and care for someone every single day of your life and then in what seems like a blink of an eye they’re on the other side of the world. Living their own life, without you.

Not that my parents care anywhere near as much for me as Johannah does for Louis.

“This is so great y’know. Me and you. Here in England spending Christmas together with my family. It’s going to be a big memory for us too. I’m so so so glad you agreed to come with me” Louis smiles as he wraps an arm around me pulling my body against his.

“Well spending Christmas alone wouldn’t have being much fun would it” I reply quietly.

Louis cups my face and leans over to kiss me again. The kiss is soft, sweet and gentle. It makes me feel cosy and warm. But not on fire.

“Lou! Lou are you up?” A young and excited voice shouts from the other side of Louis’ bedroom door.

“Yeah, come on in” He calls back kissing my shoulder afterwards and keeping his arm firmly around me.

The door opens and in run two excited children, Daisy and Phoebe Louis twin sisters.

“Happy birthday” they say happily jumping up onto the bed to attack their bother with cuddles and kisses.

Watching Louis tickle them and make jokes is such a captivating thing to watch. Since we landed in England I’ve being amazed by just how close he and his sisters appear to be. Louis hasn’t lived here for the past ten years meaning he only spends time with them in short visits once or twice a year. But despite that they all seem to adore him and get on better than most siblings do at the best of times.

I honestly didn’t expect Louis to be so good with children, I’m sure he’d make a fantastic dad one day.

I wonder what Harry’s like as a dad, right now it’s not like he can play games with Ivy but I hope he’s really there for her. Harry never struck me as someone who would have children, he doesn’t seem like the type to help with homework or chat with other parents in the playground.

I wonder how he’ll cope.

“You coming for some breakfast babe?” Louis asks as he climbs out of bed with Phoebe slung over his shoulder and Daisy laughing and running behind them.

“Yep I’ll be down in a second” I call after him as I pull my phone from my handbag.

I’ve being deliberating whether or not I should contact Harry or his family over the holidays. Should I tell them I’m in England? Should I maybe even visit them?

I open up my contact list and call Gemma.

“Alisa! How are you lovely?” Gemma says answering the phone instantly.

“I’m great thanks. How are you?” I ask a smile already playing on my lips.

“Good, stressed about getting everything ready for Christmas but great nonetheless” Gemma laughs softly.

“Look um I’m in England right now. I’m with Louis and his family. I just wanted to know how Harry is” I mumble.

“Seriously? That’s a big step, I’m happy for you! He’s doing ok, he’s better I’d say but well y’know a lot has gone on. It’s still kinda messy and complicated” Gemma says ending her sentence with a sigh.

“Do you think it would be a good thing for me to see him? Or a bad thing?” I ask running a hand through my hair as I stand up climbing out of Louis’ bed.

“It could be good but I don’t want either of you getting upset and messing each other about. He’s not over you yet so if you go see him please don’t kiss him or anything. Not unless it’s him you want” Gemma replies fairly calmly.

“Ok. Well I was thinking I might go to the hospital tomorrow after I’ve had Christmas dinner, I want to see Ivy. Will Harry be there then?” I explain.

“Probably, he never really leaves except to sleep and eat. We’re trying to encourage him to go out or spend time with us more often but all he wants to do is be with Ivy. And you but he’s mentioning that a little less now” She says.

“Right ok. Well I’ll probably go. Don’t tell him though in case I change my mind or something” I say.

We wish each other a merry Christmas before I end the call and make my way downstairs for breakfast.

***

“Alisa we’re going to make some Christmas cookies, do you want to help?” Lottie asks with Doris in her arms.

“Yeah, that’d be lovely!” I smile following her into the kitchen.

Johannah already has Daisy and Phoebe in aprons whilst Felicity grabs the ingredients out of the kitchen cupboards.

I wash my hands and begin following Daisy’s instructions.

“We do this every year, it’s nice to get into the Christmas spirt together as a family” Johannah tells me as she lines the baking trays.

“Yeah, we never really baked in my house. Mum did, but she didn’t want me or my sister to help” I explain.

“Oh that’s not much fun, baking is a lovely thing to do with your children. Is your sister older or younger than you?” Johannah asks.

“She was older, she died not very long ago” I say softly.

“Oh sweetheart I’m sorry, I didn’t know” Johannah gasps placing a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s ok. She died during childbirth, she lost too much blood” I tell her.

“And that baby?” Johannah asks.

“Ivy, she’s doing ok. She’s still in hospital at the moment because she was born premature but she’s making a recovery” I say with a smile.

“That’s great. Are you going to visit her while you’re here?” Johannah asks.

“Yeah I was thinking of going tomorrow after we’ve had Christmas dinner” I nod with a smile.

“Sounds like a lovely idea. Are you not visiting your parents?”

“No, we kind of had a bit of a falling out. It’s complicated” I sigh.

“Ah I see, well they’re family I’m sure they’ll come around in time” Johannah says giving my shoulder a squeeze.

“On a lighter note, I’m really glad you’re spending Christmas with us. It’s lovely to see Louis so happy and well he never really brings anyone home. He never even mentions that he’s seeing anyone. Clearly you’re special” Johannah says with a huge grin.

“I’m glad I’m here too” I reply happily.

“Come here” Johannah laughs holding her arms open for me and pulling me into a hug.

A moment or so later we pull apart and grin happily at one another.

“Come on then let’s get these cookies in the oven” Johannah smiles noticing that the children had finished making the cookies while the two of us had being talking.

***

“You made these? You cooked?” Louis asks teasingly.

“Yes well I helped, a little bit” I laugh.

“What’s so funny about Alisa cooking?” Dan asks.

“Well I’ve never seen her cook, we usually eat out or have a takeaway or just something simple to stick in the over like a pizza. Never a home cooked meal” Louis answers looking at me with a smirk.

“I never being taught how to cook, I can do a few easy things like pasta but that’s it” I say resting my head on Louis’ shoulders.

“Doesn’t matter, girls shouldn’t be expected to know how to cook anyways” Lottie chips in.

“Exactly” I smile at her.

The entire family are sat in the living room watching Christmas films on TV, right now ‘ a Christmas carol’ is on. Johannah and Dan are sat on the smaller sofa each holding one of the twins.

Louis and I are sat closely on the larger sofa with Lottie and Felicity beside us. Whilst Daisy and Phoebe lay on the stomachs in front of the TV.

There’s a plate piled high with the cookies we made on the floor and everyone is helping themselves.

“I’m going to get some drinks, who wants one?” Louis asks.

“I’ll have a wine please” I say with a smile.

“I’ll have a beer” Dan adds.

“Wine for me too” Johannah smiles.

“Me too” Lottie grins.

Felicity, Daisy and Phoebe all ask for a glass of juice.

Louis nods once he’s got all the orders and heads into the kitchen.

“I’ll go help him” I say standing to my feet realising that Louis can’t manage to carry all those drinks.

“Hey you” I say softly as I wrap my arms around Louis’ waist.

“Hey” He replies quietly and brings his hands to mine.

“Happy birthday” I mutter as Louis turns to face me and collides his lips with mine.

“It’s being the best” Louis smiles against my lips pressing quick individual kisses to my lips repeatedly.

“You have the nicest family ever” I laugh pulling him into a hug and burying my head in his shoulder.

“Oh I want to go see Ivy tomorrow, I thought maybe I’d go after Christmas dinner. Would you mind driving me?” I ask

“Of course love. I figured you’d want to pay her a visit at some point while we were here. It’d be silly not to” Louis smiles cupping my face so I look him in the eye.

“Now then let’s get these drinks sorted” I laugh kissing Louis one more time before grabbing the bottle of wine.

***

“Fancy a top up?” I ask Johannah as I stand to my feet with an empty wine glass in my hand.

“Yes please sweetheart” She smiles handing me her own empty glass.

I make my way into the kitchen and pull my phone out of my back pocket. I have a missed call from Harry and a voicemail.

Raising the phone to my ear I press play.

“Alisa, hi. I hope you listen to this. I dunno why I’m calling you I just really really miss you. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m watching that film you like. y’know ‘the greatest store in the world’ I get why you like it. It’s a lovely film. I decided that I need to stop, I need to stop pining after you and stuff.

I’ve promised myself if I ever see you again I won’t ever let you go, I can’t let you leave again. Not a chance.

So until then”

And then the line goes dead.

Harry’s poem

I look to the stars and you’re what I see,

I see your smile,

Your eyes,

And your freckles.

I hear your laugh whenever there’s silence.

I can’t feel your touch and oh God I wish I could.

(M.M)

AN  - thanks for reading!!

previous chapters   -  completed fic  -  imagines   -  ask  -  wattpad

personal tumblr leavedarling  -  twitter @leavedarling -  insta molly180x

love molly xxx

Anonymous: Aw you look so lovely. You do look a bit like Gemma.. X

Thank you. Wow you think so? She’s sooo pretty 🙈 thanks lovely. Love you x

Anonymous: So so so so so pretty. Can I have your face, please?

Aww thank you! Yeah sure if you can deal with all the freckles 😂. Love you x

Anonymous: You're really pretty! :)

Omg thanks sweetie. Love ya 😘 xx

theme