Anonymous: Where in Greece did you go to?😊💕


Anonymous: Still about 100 chapters, total?

Yeah roughly. Maybe more towards the 90 mark but round abouts 90-100 x

Anonymous: I thought you said Louis wouldn't be playing a major roll now but she's meeting his parents?!!!

I’ve changed my mind about this lots of times. Trying please everyone as well as remaining pleased with the story myself.
What I’m doing is going to be for the best. I know it.
Right now it could seem wrong or annoying or make you want to seem reading, but trust me it develops Alisa’s character so much and ultimately is what makes the ending so perfect.
Please just trust what I’m doing and in the end I’m sure everyone will agree it’s worth it xxxx

Always Alone - Chapter sixty nine.

Chapter sixty nine.


It’s certainly true when people say time passes much quicker as you get older. It seems like only yesterday I was sitting my exams in school and living at home with Grace and our parents. But actually when I think back to when I arrived back in England in August which was just four months ago I feel like an eternity has passed.

Christmas has come around so quickly and I’m still unaware of what to do over the holidays.

I wonder what my parents are doing, surely mum will cook her amazing roast dinner and dad will tell shitty jokes after one too many whiskeys. While my estranged aunts and uncles’ pop round with cheap, lame and unappealing gifts. Christmas was always a warm time in my house. Sure they’d be drama and bickering but that’s family. That’s Christmas.

The brisk walk home from work is surprisingly refreshing. I decided a walk would do me good and told Simon to talk the day off. I walked to work this morning making sure to wrap up warm in a woollen coat and take a scarf too. As I did so I heard my mother voice telling my teenage self that it’s important to wrap up warm and that of course wearing two jumpers was a sensible choice that wouldn’t make me look fat. Perhaps it was sensible but unnecessary. And it did make me look fat.

The evening air is even colder than the morning, I wouldn’t be surprised if it began snowing any minute now. The sky was dark and filled with dull clouds. I doubt they’d be any stars in the sky tonight, not that I’d seem them due to all the bright city lights.

That’s certainly something I miss a lot, looking up at the sky. Seeing the moon and the stars and even the airplanes always comforted me. I didn’t feel so alone. The sky wasn’t empty so neither was the world.

As I walk into the hotel lobby the warm air hits me and so do all the now familiar faces of the workers here.

“Lis” Louis calls me over to the reception desk.

“Hey you” I smile widely.

“I’ll be finished in like half an hour. Want me to come up to your room?” He asks leaning against the desk casually.

In that moment he look just like he did when we first met, which again was a mere two months ago but feel like a lifetime.

“Of course, I’ll order us Chinese yeah?” I reply.

“Sounds perfect” He grins before ushering me off so he can continue working. He insists he’s very busy. Although I can’t see a single person waiting to be served.

Laughing as he pulls faces at me I disappear into the lift.

When I arrive back in my room I toss my coat, scarf and handbag onto the armchair and rifle through the takeaway menus in the kitchen draw.

Once I’ve ordered our tea I settle down on the sofa and check my phones.

Firstly my work phone, Alex has texted regarding the final meeting tomorrow before we shut for the Christmas holidays.

Its December 21st today.

Next I check my personal phone. Nothing.

Of course they wouldn’t be, the only people who would contact me would be family, friends, Louis or maybe Harry.

Well my family aren’t speaking to me. I’d class Anne, Alan and Gemma as friends but well they haven’t kept in touch anywhere near as much as they’d promised too.

Louis doesn’t need to contact me, he’s only downstairs. Plus he’s working so can’t use his phone.

And well for Harry I don’t expect anything. He didn’t reply to the text I sent him last week. And I guess that’s it for us. I want to be fine with that, but honestly I’m not fine at all.

Harry wrote a fucking book about me. He poured his heart and soul out on every single fucking page. Yet he can’t return a text, he can’t let me talk to him.

I guess that’s it then. Time to get my shit together and be a professional. This book is nothing over than a business matter.

 Time to focus on me and Louis. I mean he is my boyfriend now. That’s more than Harry ever was.

More than anyone. I’ve never really let people in, never let them stay.

This could be different, this could be right. I’ve just got to give it a chance.

I’ve got to give Louis a chance.


“Greedy bitch! As if you finished off my noodles” Louis laughed slapping my arm playfully.

“You weren’t going to eat them” I giggled shoving him in response.

“Might have done. But I can’t now” He snapped with an overly dramatic tone in his voice.

“Oh shut up” I laugh leaning against his chest. Settling instantly as I hear his heartbeat and then feel his arm wrap around me.

“Make me” he murmurs against the top of my head.

I push myself up moving onto his lap and wrap my arms around his neck.

Our lips meet slowly and gently, my hands getting lost in Louis hair as my mind gets lost in our kiss.

“What are you doing for Christmas then babe?” Louis asks a few minutes later my head resting on his shoulder with his arms holding me firmly in place.

“I dunno, I guess I’ll just stay in bed all day eating chocolates, drinking wine and then order a take-a-way or something” I laugh lightly.

“Don’t be silly it’s Christmas, you can’t spend Christmas alone” He says running one of his hands through my hair comfortingly.

“Well I certainly can’t fly home and have Christmas with mum and dad can I? They still aren’t speaking to me. Apparently I’m responsible for Grace’s death remember? Which yes I know doesn’t make sense and yes I know they’re the ones in the wrong. As you keep reminding me” I say, my voice comes out quite snappy and cold. It wasn’t intentional.

“I know” Louis says softly, he doesn’t continue the conversation which I’m thankful of. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret.

We spend the rest of the evening cuddling on the sofa and listening to some of Lou’s old records.

Of course we have a bottle of two of wine to accompany us.

With a yawn escaping from my mouth I untangle myself from Louis’ arms and announce I’m ready for bed.

“Ok babe I’ll be through in a second, I’ll just clear up this mess” he says motioning to the empty bottles and Chinese cartons.

“Thank you. Thank you for everything, you’re the best” I smile kissing his lips lightly.

“I’m only cleaning up” He laughs shaking his head at me.

“No everything, being here. Being with me. Everything” I explain before turning and walking into the bedroom. Not giving him chance to respond.

I strip off out of my work clothes and find one of Louis’ t-shirts he’s left here recently picking it up and pulling it over my head. It needs washing but honestly I couldn’t care less.

I pull back the sheets and get into bed.

“Thank you” Louis says walking into the bedroom pulling off his work trousers and white button up shirt.

“Why?” I ask with raised eyebrows.

“For being amazing, stunning, interesting and well the only girl I’ve ever felt was worthy to take home. The only girl I want to introduce to my family as my girlfriend” He said climbing into bed in nothing but his boxers.

“What?” I ask I’m confused. Louis likes me enough to meet his family. Is this just a figure of speech or?

“Come home with me for Christmas. Mum would love to meet you. So would all my sisters and Dan” Louis says with a high level of certainty in his voice.

“Do you not think it’s a bit soon to be spending Christmas together?” I ask with a slight laugh, I guess I’m trying to lighten the mood.

We’ve only know each other for a short fraction of time, spending the holidays together is usually quite a big milestone in a couple’s relationship.

“I don’t think there’s ever a right or wrong time. I think when you know you just know. And well I know Alisa. I know you’re all I want. All I need. The only one I want by my side” Louis says leaning over me his eyes burning directly into mine.

I can’t say anything, even if I managed to come up with a response I doubt I’d be able to say it out loud.

“I don’t expect you to say the same or feel as sure and clearly as I do. I know you’re still getting over Harry and your sister. I know that there’s a lot whirling around that little head of yours. But in time you’ll figure it all out, and when you do you can let me know. How about for now you let me take the lead. How about for now you just trust me” Louis says after realising I wasn’t going to respond to his declaration.

I study his expression, his eyes which hold tiny flicks of blue in many different shades which blur together into a clear and consuming colour.

“I trust you” I murmur lightly wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

“So you’re coming to mine for Christmas?” Louis asks just to make sure.

“Looks like I’m spending Christmas in Doncaster” I grin before allowing our lips to meet.

Somewhere in the back of my mind Harry still dominates my thoughts. I’m going to be in England for Christmas. I’m going to be in the same country as Harry. In fact I’ll be less than two hours away from him.

Harry’s poem.

The cool air swirls and the snow falls softly.

I remember the way your laugh warmed me.

The way your touch set my body alight.

Having you in the winter would be a life saver.

Keeping me warm, loved and happy.

I watch the flames dance and whirl,

And in them I see you.

I see you dancing to the radio when you though no one was looking.

I see you here beside me holding my hand.

Your head on my chest,

Your lips on my neck.

Without you I feel the cold,

I feel empty.


AN - 

I’m now back from Greece. I had a wonderful time, ate my entire body weight in feta cheese and Greek yogurt and most importantly relaxed. While I was away I even read a book or two which to me is kind of an achievement as I’ve never really read books before, being dyslexic I’d always ignored the idea assuming I’d find it too difficult. Granted I probably do take a little more effort to be able to read but I’ve enjoyed it none the less and felt quite inspired too. 

previous chapters   -  completed fic  -  imagines   -  ask  -  wattpad

personal tumblr leavedarling  -  twitter @leavedarling -  insta molly180x

love molly xxx

Announcement / ramble

Okay so I’m going on holiday first thing Monday morning. I’m going to Greece and I’m super excited about that! I had planned to get one or maybe even two chapters up before then.
But I went and got my exam results today and well I didn’t do that great. I feel disappointed and quite annoyed at myself. I sort of feel like I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore. Like I’m stuck in a rut.
I think what I need is a break and a chance to relax properly. So I won’t be updating until I return. I’ll probably not post until the Wednesday or Thursday so the 28th or 29th.
I hope that after that I’ll have a clearer head and be more motivated to write.
I hope everyone understands and that you aren’t too mad haha.

While I’m away I will answer questions, I will also use twitter and Instagram a bit so give me a follow.
Twitter leavedarling
Insta molly180x
Lots of love and appreciation to every single one of you. Xxxxx

Always Alone - Chapter Sixty eight

Chapter sixty eight


“Here’s the new contracts you need to sign off Alisa” Alex says walking into my office holding a rather large stack of paper.

“Oh great, thank you Alex” I smile before diverting my eyes back to the computer screen.

“If it isn’t too much trouble I need them signed and on my desk for tomorrow morning” Alex adds.

“Yeah that’s fine” I nod as I open another long winded email from some random employee at the Manchester office.

“How long will you be here until tonight?” Alex asks.

“Umm what time is it now?” I question, when I’m at work I kind of lose all knowledge of time.

“Five thirty” Alex says after checking his watch.

“Any minute now then, I’m heading to the gym” I say closing the email. I’ll reply tomorrow.

“Oh what gym do you go to?” He asks sitting on the edge of my desk.

“24 fitness”

“Really? Me too. Hey do you want to go together tonight? My gym bags in the car” Alex suggests.

“Umm I don’t know. Are you sure?” I ask.

“Yeah of course” Alex nods.

“Fine, I’m ready to leave now. Are you?” I sigh in agreement.

“Give me two minutes” He smiles happily before hopping off my desk and heading into his own office.

I put away the few pieces of paper etc. that have being left on my desk before grabbing the contracts Alex had given me and putting them into my handbag.

I grab my woollen coat and put it on, the cold seems to be picking up very quickly at the moment, its clear Christmas is just around the corner.

I don’t have any plans for Christmas, I can’t imagine spending it with my family considering they aren’t even speaking to me right now.

To think not that long ago I was imaging Harry and I spending Christmas together, we’d cuddle up my the fire and share a bottle of wine. We’d spend Christmas morning in bed opening the gifts we’d given each other followed by some steamy Christmas sex. We’d cook dinner together, possible burn it but enjoy ourselves all the same. Maybe we’d visit Anne, Alan, Gemma, Niall, Isabelle and Max on the evening and spend time together a big family.

I wanted to be a true part of their family.

“I’m ready now” Alex announces sticking his head around the door frame.

“Let’s go then” I smile brushing all thoughts of Christmas time and Harry out of my mind.

Alex drives us to the gym and we then go separate ways to get changed.

I put on a pair of shorts, sports bra and a vest top. I pull my hair off my face with a thin elastic headband and apply a bit more deodorant. I then put on my trainers and shove all my stuff into my locker.  

Well everything except the contracts, I’ll read them when I run.

I make my way into the gym and immediately seem Alex lifting some weights, I must admit in the vest and shorts he looks rather hot.

The small amount sweat glistening on his muscular and defined body. Basically he’s got the typically attractive figure, you’d be mad not like what you see.

I give him a small wave before making my way over to the treadmill and resting the contracts on the monitor. I begin running at a rather slow pace which I continually increase. The speed builds up and I continue to read, turning page after page.

The contracts about providing new writers with more media coverage, more publicity and more recognition. Which is something I view as very important how is anyone ever going to become successful if they aren’t given the recognition and attention they deserve.

Writing is a career that needs public attention, it relies on people being interested, in word of mouth and nowadays social media can be the key.

As a company we’re launching a blog site which posts snippets of books before they are released, it also allows each author to post once about themselves and their views of the book. Finally someone from our company posts something about each book to give the company’s opinion on it.

An hour and a half later I’m exhausted from the constant running and have finished the contracts.

“You ready to go?” Alex asks his breath seeming a little short.

“Yeah, I finished reading the contracts, I’ve got a pen in my locker so I’ll sign them and give them back to you now if you’d like?” I reply.

“Yeah sure” He nods before we make our way back to the changing rooms.

I hand Alex the signed contracts and say goodbye.

I decide to walk home, I fancy the fresh air.

Did I just say home? Is this my home?

I’m not even sure I have a home anymore.

When I arrive back at the hotel I shower before sitting down in my office space infornt of the computer.

I open a blank document and begin typing.

When I started reading these poems I felt something I’ve never felt when reading literature before. I felt like I really was part of it, like I felt the things the author felt. I was moved and engrossed, from the first page I was fully invested.

I feel this is the kind of book you can never tire of reading, every time you re-read a particular poem it has a new meaning, you see something in it you never had before. You feel differently and you feel incredible.

It’s the kind of book that it doesn’t matter if you read it a page at a time or read the entire thing in one sitting, that’s what I did.

One thing I’m certain of is that if this book had being written about me I’d be the happiest girl alive. To have someone feel such strong, real, overwhelming things for me would be a dream.

Of course this kind of love and need for someone isn’t the healthiest but that’s love for you. It isn’t healthy. There’s not safe amount, not limitations.

I’m sure the girl who truly ‘fucked’ him up feels awful, swimming in regret and wishing she could fall back into his arms.

Life is complicated, messy and tough as hell.

But one thing Mr Styles made crystal clear was his love.

If only we could all be as sure as him.

Everything I’ve written is not even a small fraction of what I want to tell Harry.

I want to talk to him and in what I’d like to describe as a moment of weakness I text him once again.

I’m sorry for how the call ended the other night. Things aren’t easy for either of us right now.

I need time, I know that’s all I ever seem to say. I’d love to be with you, but that’s just not the right step for me right now.  Maybe you can call me again sometime or even text back. Just so we can chat. X

Harry’s poem.

I beg and I beg,

But you never come.

You never tell me you love me.

I love you,

I’m like a record stuck on repeat.

Come back to me.

Come back to me.

Please, please, please.


 Athors note —- thanks for reading, lots of love

previous chapters   -  completed fic  -  imagines   -  ask  -  wattpad

personal tumblr leavedarling  -  twitter @leavedarling -  insta molly180x

love molly xxx

Anonymous: I find it hard to keep interest in this story. It's like you rarely update and nothing is really happening. I know you have a life outside of this and I think that's great but that's just how I feel. I mean you no offense. Have a great day!

That’s fine. Y’know what I kind of agree. I wish I could update every single day. Then the story would seem like it was developing at a better pace. But right now everything in my life is so full on and busy.

Anonymous: Update?😁x

Tomorrow afternoon (99.9% likely) xxx

Anonymous: Updating?

I’ve got the chapter like half written. Should be up Monday around 3 o’clock as I’m at work tomorrow. Xxx